(Rough Draft of personal essay)

Hello all thanks for reading my essay... I would love tons of feedback, please! It's only a rough draft and I know it still needs alot of work... so any suggestions would be great. Hope you enjoy it :)

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Diana and I went to our bar on Friday night. I just got out of work and needed to have a drink, the stress of serving people all night can lead me to drink. We sat in our usual spot, right next to the brass taps, about ten steps from the door. I got a Bacardi and coke, with a lime, of course, and Diana got a draft beer. We always have a good time when we go to this bar. This particular night we ran into a couple of people we knew and had not seen in a while. There is nothing better than catching up with old friends. Rye was there. I had not seen him in months. His parents always come into my job and I wait on them, they are such great people, sometimes it is hard when I have to face them. Rye was wearing a black and white bandana, a white wife beater and jeans. As soon as he saw Diana and I he came right over to say hello and gave us each a kiss on the cheek and told us how great it was to see us. We did the same.
Diana is a social butterfly and had to make her rounds talking to everyone she knew. As I sipped on my drink, Rye kept me company.
“So what have you been up too?” The typical way people who have not seen each other in a while start a conversation.
“Well I’m still working at Friday’s and going to school.”
That was my automatic response every time I was asked that question. I asked him the same question and he told me he was doing some landscaping work for now but was going to go to school really soon. I thought that was great because ever since I have known Rye he did not have much direction in life. I could tell he felt ashamed that his life was not in order because when he mentioned he did not have a car, he looked away as if he said something wrong.
“Thanks for that response on MySpace.”
I did not think that he was going to bring that up. I was hoping he was not going to bring that up, but he did. In his message, he confessed that he had a huge crush on me and I wanted to take me out. I wrote back to him a told him that I was flattered but I could not accept his offer. Now he brought it back up and I did not know what to say, “Umm… well, I was trying to be polite, I’m sorry, you know Dave and I just broke up and I don’t think I’m ready or looking to date anyone right now.”
I liked Rye but just as a friend, I did not want to hurt his feeling or make anything awkward at that point.
“Daph, if I take you out, I promise you will have a good time, do you think I’m not good enough for you or something, that's the impression that I get?”
“I know we would have a good time, that’s not it, I just went through a breakup and I just want to be single and not have to deal with men for a while.”
Then I went on my usual tangent about how men are horrible human beings, all they do is cheat and all they want is sex.
Then he said the sweetest thing to me, “You just haven’t met the right guy yet to treat you right but you will because that’s what you deserve.”
I just looked at him and smiled. He was such a sweet guy, I wish I had those feeling for him, but I just did not. Diana came back; she and Rye were talking about her birthday plans next month. She told him he had to celebrate it with her or she would be mad at him. He said how happy he was to see us that night and that he would definitely go out for her birthday.
Rye went back to his friends and Diana and I just sat down at the bar and had our usual girl talk. I did not tell her about my conversation with Rye. I did not want to talk about it while he was still around just in case he overheard. I decided I would tell her later that night but I never got the chance and then I never wanted to.

I took a puff of my cigarette and let it out. It felt so good. It was a busy night at work and this 5 min cigarette break was all I needed.
Rye walked up and lit a cigarette, “You don’t mind if I join you?”
“Of course not, I enjoy the company, so what’s up? How’s work been going for you tonight?” I tend to ask a couple of questions in a row without waiting for an answer.
“It's going good. Why is it that girls always smoke cigarettes standing in the same position? My sister does the same thing.”
I was standing with the cigarette in my right hand while my left hand cradled my right elbow. When ever I stand this way I always think of him. “I don’t know I guess it’s just the cool thing to do, maybe you should stand like that too!”
We both chuckled. We were always joking around. Laughing. He liked to laugh at almost anything that I said. I would say, “You don’t have to be nice I know I’m not as funny as you make me out to be.”

The barbeque was about seven months after that night at the bar, the night that Rye committed suicide. His death had affected everyone and left them wishing that they had done something more for him, including myself. I saw him that same night and could not detect what he was about to do when he got home. While I was lying in my bed dreaming about all the wonderful possibilities life had to offer, he was ending his.
Crystal took it especially hard. I had heard from many people that she turned to drugs and alcohol to ease her pain. They had dated for years and where each others first loves. I saw her at the funeral and then out a couple of months later. She was a mess. You could tell that she was high on something. She ended up getting into arguments with all her friends that night and running down to street to escape reality. Her friends ran immediately after her but could not find her.
It was not until the barbeque that we run into each other again. At first, I was hesitant to speak with her because I was unsure if she was still dealing with issues and I did not want any problems that day. We said hello and did not speak again until later that night.
As the sun started to set, more people began to arrive. Groups formed and conversations filled the air. Crystal came up to me and said, “I haven’t seen you or Diana since Rye’s funeral.” She did not remember seeing me the night she run away and I decided it was better not to mention it. “I had a really hard time dealing with it. He called me a couple of times that night. I didn’t pick up. He left messages and I deleted them without listening to them. If I knew what was going to happen I would have picked up. I have no idea what those messages said; I would have helped him if I knew. Then after all that, I don’t know if you’ve heard or not, but I got involved with drugs and went to a intuition for a while to clear my mind. I was in real bad shape but I am doing a lot better now.” I just listened I didn’t know what to say. She continued, “Yea, I don’t mind talking about it now. It actually helps me to talk to people and I’m ok with everything. I had a dream a couple of weeks ago about Rye. He came to me and told me that I can’t keep beating myself up about what happened. He said I have to let it go and live my life. It was the weirdest thing because when I woke up I could still feel him. I believe it was really him, he came to me, and I’m trying listen to him. I feel a lot better these days.” While she was telling me about her dream, I felt a shiver run through me. I believed her.

"My Father Always Said"

In Schwartz's essay she uses 6 segments to convey her overall meaning. In each segment she speaks about a different part of her trip to Rindheim with the parents, but during this she flashes foward to explain to the reader what happened 40 years later when she went back to Rindheim. These flash-fowards are thrown into her writing very subtly but are very significant in understanding the overall point Schwatz is tring to make.

Segment 1 -- She talks about what her father would always say about her going out with friends that were not from Rindheim.

Segment 2 -- They stopped by her fathers house, she wanted to go in but her father did not (she tells us how she did make it in the house 40 yrs later). They stop by the downtown. Her father says it's no Queens but Schwartz compares it to things in Queens. They stop by the Synagogue. Then the scene flashes foward and she recalls her trip years later when she speaks to a women about the synaogue. At this time there is a different mix of culture that live in this town. She compares it to Queens. When she was a child to now and wishes she could tell her father about it.

Segment 3 -- The Synagodue was a shell, burnt down. She goes into the story of how it happened and how her father escaped. He says the people that burnt it down weren't from Rindheim and their non-jewish neighbors wanted to help them but were also scared.

Segment 4 -- They stop by her fathers old school. She compares it to her school but without the paved playground and swings. She asked her father if he played with the non-jewish kids at his school since they were seperated during school hours. He said of course they did.

Segment 5 -- They get to the grave stones. She tried to picture her grandparents that pasted away but could only picture the ones back in Queens. They talk about the family members that stayed behind and what happened to them.

Segment 6 -- When she returns home, she realizes what her family went through and gains respect for her father and his sayings. When he father returns she realizes that Rindheim was not that great.

In the beginning her and her father think they are completely different from eachother. As they go around Rindheim she still pictures and relates everything to what she knows from her childhood. Her father does the same thing when they are in Queens, he relates everything there to where he grew up. They were the same... Rindheim and Queens, in a sense. This is the point that she is trying to get across during the middle of her essay. Her and her father are no different. There is a shift at the end when she realizes the full history of what happened. She then holds a greater respect for Rindheim while her fathers greatness for his hometown deminishes.

Design Plan

The purpose for this essay is to relate my childhood experiences, which have shaped me, to my audience. It is a story of the difficultly of change and self-discovery. My motivation for this essay is to look within my self and find truth in my life. To answer those questions that replay in my mind and need to be expressed, not oppressed. I would like my audience to relate my story to similar experiences that they have went through. Everyone has had to deal with change and can relate. What do I want from my past? I want to remember all the good times, I want to go back and relive them, I do not want things to change but they have. It is hard growing up; it is hard leaving your parents, no matter how easy you thought it would be. Although this is all true if I could snap my fingers right now and move back home I would not because that would mean I would have to give up the things that I enjoy in my life now. Do you give up the present good for the past good? In order to get this point across I will have to supply background but I am not sure what this will include. Good childhood memories, a close-knit family bond, and just the little things I miss.

First time blogger

Welcome to my page! It's my first blog entry :) Shortly I will have my design plan posted. I am ready to see what everyone thinks, all feedback is welcomed.